He kept touching my hair without my consent, was legitimately disappointed that I could not twerk, and called me “sassy” whenever I voiced an opinion that was different from his.
White men have the privilege of not having to actively think about their intersections of race and gender, which is starkly different from black women’s realities.
White men navigate society with relative ease while black women are teetering on the precarious margins of race and gender that they do not have the privilege to ignore.
This is not a game to us, nor is it something we can ignore.
Though racial microaggressions are felt by every marginalized group within the dating realm, I am building upon my own personal experiences with heterosexual, cisgender white men to offer suggestions on how to ease racial tensions that may arise in a white man/black woman pairing.
Once, I was at a bar with friends when two white men approached me.
One was a guy who was interested in talking to me, and the other was acting as his wingman.
The wingman walked up to me as his friend stood beside him and screamed over the music, “You’re perfect!
My friend likes black girls, but he doesn’t like them too dark!
” Against my better judgment, I assumed that the wingman just wasn’t very good at his job and started talking to his friend anyway.
We ended up hitting it off, but it wasn’t until our first date that I realized I had underestimated the wingman’s abilities.
The guy did, in fact, have some kind of black girl fetish.