Nevertheless, they punish by refusing even to about their partners' perspectives.If they listen at all, they do so dismissively or impatiently.Disengaging partners say, "Do whatever you want, just leave me alone." They're often workaholics, couch potatoes, flirts, or obsessive about something.
Both stonewalling and disengaging tactics can make you feel: Harmful Adaptations to Anger and Abuse: Walking on Eggshells The most insidious aspect of living with an angry or abusive partner is not the obvious—nervous reactions to shouting, name-calling, criticism or other demeaning behavior.
It's the adaptations you make to try to those episodes.
You walk on eggshells to keep the peace, or a semblance of connection.
Even when they recognize the wrongness of their behavior, resentful, angry, or emotionally abusive people are likely to blame it on their partners: "You push my buttons," or, "I might have overreacted, but I'm human, and look what you did! Angry and abusive partners tend to be anxious by temperament.
From the time they were children, they've had a sense of dread that things will go badly and that they will fail to cope.
They try to control their environment to avoid feelings of failure and inadequacy.
The strategy of trying to control others fails to satisfy them for the simple reason that the primary cause of their anxiety is them.
It springs from one of two sources—a heavy dread of failure, or fear of harm, isolation, and deprivation.
The Silent Abuser Not all emotional abuse involves shouting or criticism.
More common forms are “disengaging” (a distracted or preoccupied partner) or "stonewalling" (a partner who refuses to accept anyone else’s perspective).
Partners who stonewall may not overtly put anyone down.