Where's the line between supportive and meddling?
I am the father of a recently out eighteen-year-old gay boy.
Here's the problem: my son is in a relationship with a thirty-one-year-old guy. Yes, my son is a legal adult at eighteen and can make his own decisions, but he's also still in high school.
I don't think this is a gay versus straight objection. But "supportive" parents who let their gay kids get away with murder — supportive parents who stop parenting their gay kids because they worry about seeming homophobic if they object to lousy gay boyfriends, choices, apparel, etc. And, finally, do you realize that I will tear you gay limb from gay limb if you hurt my gay kid?If I had an eighteen-year-old heterosexual daughter who was in a relationship with a thirty-one-year-old man, I would have exactly the same concerns and objections. — aren't doing their gay kids any favors, either. As for your son, OCD, tell him that you realize gay guys his age sometimes date older men because there aren't a lot of boys his own age to choose from.Beyond that, even if I can establish that it's okay to have an objection, or to feel the need to take some action to be supportive for my son, I don't know what I can or should do. Your son, despite what he might tell you, needs his parents to advise him, meddle in his affairs, even object and interfere. (If you didn't already know that, now you do.) And tell your son that this gay dude you know — that would be me, OCD — told you that something's usually wrong when a thirty-one-year-old is dating a teenager.Here's what I would do if I were in your shoes, OCD — I would take my son's thirty-one-year-old boyfriend out for a beer and ask him a lot of pointed questions: how did you meet my son? Something's usually wrong with the thirty-one-year-old. There are exceptions, of course, and maybe his boyfriend is exceptional — maybe he's not a jerk who pursues naive boys because gay men his own age can see through his shit — but the simple fact of his age requires that he be subjected to a higher degree of scrutiny than a first boyfriend who was closer to your son's own age.Finally, OCD, tell your son that you know he's an adult and free to date whomever he wants.
But you're his dad and he has to hear you out — whether he wants to or not.
I'm sixteen and an openly gay boy in a very welcoming community. We'll be friends again, I'm sure, but now I don't even have a hint of any sort of anything on the horizon, and it's driving me insane.
All the out gay guys here are nice, but most are sassy stereotypical caricature flamer types and I'm not attracted to any of them.
But those are the kind of people who are out at sixteen.
I just hate thinking I'm alone for the foreseeable future.
I know the logical thing is for me to wait, but how am I supposed to wait? — Whiny Angsty Sad Teen Entreats Dan Sorry, WASTED, but you're gonna get the same advice I give to hard and hard-up sixteen-year-old straight boys: worry less about getting your sixteen-year-old self laid and more about getting your twenty-year-old self laid.