When I founded my first company I didn’t have time to find someone to date, but I knew that I wanted to get married.So I followed all the advice I had read about how you should tell people what you want in order to get what you want.
I started questioning the idea that I should be so frank about looking to get married.Life is one big negotiating opportunity, and I saw I was not doing well.Also, I noticed that men don’t generally ask for what they want.The classic example: They ask you out to lunch when what they really want is sex.There is so much written about how women are not as good at negotiating as men are.
Lots of studies show that women don’t even start negotiating — nine times out of ten, men will ask and women won’t.And when women do negotiate, they don’t get what they want as often as men do.There is no solid research to tell us the why behind the poor negotiations.Most people who toss around ideas about why women don’t ask, toss around some version of the idea that women don’t like conflict: Women like to collaborate; women are caretakers.I don’t believe this, because in a relationship, women are typically more comfortable with conflict than men are. It’s dating tips for guys from Ask – a site that is always right on target about how women think.) Anyway, I think the reason women do poorly in negotiations is that women assume you should ask for what you want, but men know that’s not how the game is played.In fact, women are more likely than men to bring up conflict in a relationship. Men know that you need to be aware of what you want, but that’s not necessarily what you ask for.